The Skits-O-Phrenics

A Sneak Preview of the Fall Semester

2007-06-17T02:22:00.000-05:00

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."

The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"

We'll be friends forever (on Facebook)

2007-05-15T12:15:00.000-05:00

So for those who missed it, the year is over. (How did you miss an entire year? So self-centered with your "coma" and all that business.) Anyhow, Saturday night ended with all the Skits sitting around not knowing what to do, but we soon figured it out. And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives, such as where we're going to be when we turn 25.
Personally, I keep thinking times will never change, keep on thinking things will always be the same. But then I realized when we leave this year we won't be coming back, no more hanging out cause we're on a different track, and (I thought to myself) "if you got something that you need to say you better say it right now cause you don't have another day." It seems so true because we're moving on and we can't slow down; these memories are playing like a film without sound and I keep thinking of the night in June (May?). Ultimately, I guess I didn't know much of love, but it came too soon.
Oh Skitsos; and there was me and you, and then it got real blue. We'd stay at home talkin' on the telephone and we would get so excited, we'd get so scared, laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair. And this is how it feels:
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together.
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever.
I continued to think: So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money, when we look back now, will that joke still be funny? Will we still remember everything we learned in school? Still be trying to break every single rule? Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man? Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan? I keep -- I keep thinking that it's not goodbye; keep on thinking it's a time to fly. And this is how it feels:
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together.
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever.
I then continued in my line of rhetorical questions, asking: Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now? Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end, and suddenly it's like we're women and men. Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round? Will these memories fade when I leave this town? I keep -- I keep thinking that it's not goodbye; keep on thinking it's a time to fly.

So that was my mental journey Saturday night. Then I realized that only McGuerty is actually graduating. And then I felt sad because McGuerty is leaving and he's taller than me. Then I got happy because I realized I won't look so short with the group anymore because McGuerty is so much taller than me and he'll be gone. And then I felt sad again because I'd reminded myself that McGuerty was graduating. And then I pooted (which, needless to say, made me sad).

Bantha Fodder

2007-04-30T18:35:00.000-05:00

All right, first things first, we suck at keeping this blog up. I feel sorry for any one who actually reads this thing hoping to see what is going on in the lives of the Skits. But we did have a good show a while back, semester is almost over, etc. That's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to tell you of the funniest thing I have seen in time immemorial.
For reasons I don't want to understand, I turned on my TV today to find that it was playing in slow-motion. I'm not really sure I can convey how hilarious it is to watch Seinfield with every thing occuring at half speed. The dialouge is so bass as to be nearly incomprehensible - even the women speak like Xerxes in 300, their voices smooth like warm oil on well worn leather and deep as thunder. The theme song sounds like a funeral dirge played by the phantom of the opera. But by far the funniest thing is the laughter. It's like the entire audience is of the Hutt family, delivering deep belly laughs after each punchline:
"Iiiiiiit'ssssss aaaaaahhhhh jjuuuuunnnniorrrrrrr mmmmintttddd"
"HOHOHOHOHOHO"

Good Show

2007-04-10T14:52:00.001-05:00

That's all I really wanted to say.

Clarification

2007-03-08T02:39:00.000-05:00

Yeah, that's right, world. We rehearse until 10:00 some nights. You just wait to see what we have to bring, world. You just wait and see.

No, really, though, Scharfman's right. We have a show coming up.

2007-03-04T22:10:00.000-05:00

Hey, does everyone remember when we restarted the blog? It was really cool and there was stuff written on it like everyday. But that was a long time ago, now lost beneath the sands of time, slowly decaying under our feet...Until one day, one man stood up for what He believed in. He even ended sentences in prepositions and didn't care, just because He wanted to. He brought back the blog because He wanted to tell the world about the Skits' next show. And so He typed:

The Skits-o-Phrenics will be hosting a sketch comedy festival featuring the super-cool group Boris' Kitchen (from Brandeis University) and Cornell's own improvisationally humorous group of performers, The Whistling Shrimp!
The show will be at the Statler Auditorium on March 9 at 8 pm for the low low price of $5! But wait, there's more. Not only does that $5 get you a great comedy show, it also gets you a complementary ticket stub!

And then He resumed writing a paper in the library.

Hubba Hubba

2007-02-22T00:23:00.000-05:00

Hey Guys

Love, Mike

Free Advertising?

2007-02-21T14:16:00.000-05:00

Well, I was checking out the blog in the computer lab in Stimson Hall and I accidentally pressed the print button. So now I have a few pages of the blog all printed out. Great. This is what I need.

Guess I'll go put these up on a bulletin board in Goldwin-Smith.

EDIT - The pages are printed on both sides, so even if someone stops to look at this for some reason, it isn't going to make any sense. Good.

Pros of the Pros

2007-02-19T16:08:00.000-05:00

Allen mentioned the Harvard Sailing Team, but I think it bears further mention of something pretty darn important.

HST was one of the professional groups at the festival, along with Derrick and UCB's touring company, but what made these guys special was their style: highly physical, almost frenetic surrealist sketches with some singin', some dancin', and some havin'-fun thrown in the pot.

We got to do a workshop with the Team, and what we came out with was a greater understanding of what it means to be a comedy group. Sure, we want to write in our own voice and keep the good ol' Skitso traditions alive, but there's also a life under those skits that we barely ever touch upon. HST's strength is their ability to explore that life and heighten their comedy with it. It's really something to behold, and we were pretty fortunate to get the opportunity to learn from their process.

Really all I'm trying to say is that, aside from a weekend of laughing and partying and hankering down, this festival really reminded us that we're not only a bunch of sillies sillying it up in Sillytown. We're artists, in our own silly way, and what better way to grow as artists than to take the risk of letting the art evolve? Sillily!

Oh My God We Are Back Again

2007-02-19T12:06:00.000-05:00

Hey, let's try this "blog" thing one more time, ok?

TECHNOBABBLE ASIDE - we just did a set at the National Comedy College Festival at beautiful Skidmore College in wondrous Saratoga Springs. I think it's fair to say that the Skits put on one of their strongest performances in years at the festival and we had a bucket of fun too. Good job to all those groups out there, and good job to us too! Yay!

Highlights from the trip:

-McGuerty's purchase of the Beavis and Butthead Experience on cassette tape.
-Harvard Sailing Team
-The freshman men buying and wearing party shirts for the party party.
-Shane's emergence from chrysalis as a beautiful butterfly.
-The Cotillion the women prepared and organized. (Good job, girls! Yeah, I think we DID dance too much!)
-Turkey the Invisible (but Loud) Cat

ALL jokes aside, it was a blast. Can't wait till next year.

Like the Phoenix from the Ashes...

2007-02-19T12:03:00.000-05:00

...This blog will rise again.

The mysteries of the subconscious

2006-04-05T10:04:00.000-05:00

So i actually dreamed a skit last night, it went something like this:

Personification of Arby's (kneeling before personifaction of Wendy's): Wendy, thou art my master, I shall heed thee before all others

and then i think he took a knife to his hand as part of a blood pact

well Sigmund Freud, analyze that!

Old School Revenge

2006-03-08T22:10:00.000-05:00

So i hear everybody saying they wish they were nicer, well not this cowboy, being a nice guy is always getting in my way. case in point:
I'm in the AD White reading room, doing some drawing on the long desk and even though the room is pretty much deserted this clean-cut ILR lookin' dude sits down 1 spot away. Now, i'm gettin' my draw on, jammin' out to some Cake and CCR, and this dude, he shushes me, he shushes me cuz my headphones are too loud -he shushes Creedence cuz my headphones are too much for him.
Now, for some reason i immediately apologize and turn down my music and then spend the next 10 minutes regretting it and feeling dumb. When i see he has taken off his coat and draped it over his chair, i decide to act. I go up to the librarian and am all 'could i please trouble you for just a little bit of tape? Much appreciated' y'know, workin' the whole nice guy angle.
Well, i come back to our shared desk and start to pack my things, first tearing off a piece of paper from my drawing. I gather my things and make to leave, my hand barely brushing his coat as i exit. I doubt he ever knew i did it, but if you saw a turdish looking guy walking around campus today with a sign on the back of his coat that read 'HUGE TOOL' know that justice was done by my hand!
Yeah sucka! Vengence is mine! Bringing it back to the 3rd grade on your sorry ass! What!!

ALL NEW SHOW

2006-02-17T15:15:00.000-05:00

HEY, WORLD!

We are putting on an all new show-The Skits-O-Phrenics Fight the Good Fight! Yay! Here are all the details ever!

Where: Risley Theatre
When (Dates!): February 24th and 25th
When (Times!): 8:00pm and 10:00pm
Both Nights?: Yes!

There you have it. Reserve tickets at tickets@skitsophrenics.com

We love you!

Volvo stylee

2006-01-30T21:31:00.000-05:00

Listen, I love my volvo, but I'm pretty sure it hates me. It's got something terribly wrong with it, some of you have heard the noise it has been making. Then the other day it decided not to start! i thought damn, I'll need a tow if i can't start this. so I revved and I pushed in the gas and i huffed and i puffed but it wouldnt start. so i call the tow truck. gets there 45 minutes later, guy sits in the car, tries the ignition and after a solid minute of trying, the car started right up (albeit, still with that noise from the muffler). Let me repeat this: I try starting it, no way. Some dude that i called and told that to tries starting it, no problem.

Well, I still like my car anyway.

2006-01-28T02:59:00.000-05:00

let me please say
"i am a peaceful man"
now, when i saw, at ben's party some retard huffing furniture polish i encouraged him, saying "huff it dude" b/c i knew he was verily a retard, and should be encouraged to continue on in such retarded endeavors (honestly, i apologize to all those mental defectives, at least ya'll have the foresight to avoid any such obvious stupidity). well the M-F-er did, he huffed the good part of a can of furniture polish and i laughed good and hard knowing damn well how many brain cells he had just killed. Well, apparently, the SOB took offense to this and challenged me to a fight. Now, as you many know, i am a peaceful man, a man of MLK JR. and Ghandi and shit, so i took the pacifist aproach, i turned the other cheak, even though the delightful bastard was shoving me against the wall. He continued to do so, and i continued to take the moral high ground. I repeatedly offered him a handshake of peace, saying we could forget all our troubles if we just shook hands and parted ways. but no, he would not have it, everytime i went to embrace him he said "mother fucker, i'll hit you if you touch me again" so naturally, i hugged him and made to kiss his cheek. He hated this, screaming obscenities like it was the embrece of satan, or some such. still, i continued trying to win him over with peace, you can ask anyone present, i did not wish violence. he then sprayed the furniture polish in my face, i turned my cheek and he sprayed it in my ear. "Don't do that again" i told him. He asked why not, and i told him because he was drunk and i knew everyone present. it was about now that i noticed i had a considerable posse of tom jenkins and tucker barrett and the honorable chris weingarten behind. i am in their debt. well, he kept advancing and i kept telling him we could end this with a peaceful handshake. He hated this, swearing he would rather fight than touch me, so I kept at it naturally. I told him he should accept my hand and he told me he would kill me. So, without another course of action, i told him "listen, i'm not supposed to telll you this, so i'm only gonna tell you once..." he lisented close "but," i said, "you, my friend" (he hated me calling him my friend) "you, my friend, are going to heaven!" With this, i raised one hand, and he gave me a high five. i embraced him and whispered in his ear "you just gave me the daps you swore you would not" and walked away. There are witnesses, this all is true.

Holographic Fleer Cards Coming Soon...

2006-01-27T14:20:00.000-05:00

Like i said at yesterday's meeting, in honor of upcoming auditions, i updated the new kids' bios on the webpage. since no one ever writes their own anymore, i just made up bios for ya. but, if you want, cook something up and i'll slap it up there when i'm good and ready. allen and jess, this once in a lifetime offer is going out to you guys as well.

Unleash the Beast

2006-01-26T17:38:00.000-05:00

Oh man, daps to Ben and Kimbo for this one,
everybody should check out pandora, as ben said rolling stone put it: "it's like the cool older brother you never had" when it comes to recomending music. you give it a song or artist and it picks out stuff it thinks you'll like based on some sort of music metric, the thing must have some sort of ancient science long since lost to modern man. i'm in the library right now digging on a station i made that pulls out songs reminiscent of Harry Belafonte -totally sweet.

Never understimate the power of a Jean Burger

2006-01-23T10:24:00.000-05:00

Dude, contrary to previous posts, Mike was not in ithaca all week. he was far far from ithaca, or indeed from any civilization at all aside from an expensive gas station and a Tigre Geant. I was at a camp with the ski team in Gatineau, Quebec, away from cell service, internet, and TV (except for whatever the generic canadian public station is. CTV i think its called. hockey 14 hours of the day and half-hearted news programs the rest. The whole time i was like, would it kill them to just run football scores at the bottom of the screen while they talk about the opening of the new opera house and discuss tonights senators game? the answer, by the way, is yes.) The highlight of the trip was definetely eating at the local "Jean Burger." One can't really drive by a sign like that every day and not stop in to see what it's about. Wouldn't be too surprised if someone found there were actual bits of Jean in the burger. Good though.

I got back yesterday and had 45 EMAILS, mostly from skitsos saying things like "yes, i'll be there" or "i totally have a crush on so and so." (I think that one was from Scott). So im back now, you can all stop worrying. come and get me when you want me. just remember, Canadian beer is expensive and the Pheonix Coyotes suck.

today's song: Born in the freakin' USA - Da Boss

"Subaru Forrester Squadron, go!"

2006-01-14T12:37:00.000-05:00

First off, lemme just say that yesterday was fucking gorgeous. sunshine, jacket instead of coat, the whole shebang. I even saw a bee crawling around on the ground, rubbing sleep out of her compound eyes and bein' all "dude, what's the deal? i feel like i just fell asleep". Side note, i bet you can use bee eye crusties to make some sort of delicious food -ew, but probably true.

But the best part of yesterday was the finding of something awesome that may be mine soon. I go up to my laboratory (pronounced the dexter way, mos def) and out in the lobby, possibly left up for grabs was a giant fossilized whale fin. How freaking cool would that be to have? The thing's gotta be four feet long, not to mention massive, so i think i would have to just lean up against a wall or something. Now, i could go into how it would totally mesh with my design motif of mainly bones and "found" art, but i think the piece speaks for itself, a fossilized whale fin. holy smokes, i think i got a tent pole just thinkin' about it. Man, if i were just a bit more certain it was being left out there for someone to take, i'd be on my cellphone in a minute, all "bitches! i'm in corson-mudd, get me a station wagon, pronto!" cuz everybody knows i roll with like a team of badass ladies what do my bidding and cruise the streets in station wagons.

Mike & Jess' Xtreme times in Xtreme, I mean, Berkshire County.... to the MAX.

2006-01-12T14:50:00.000-05:00

While the rest of you skitsos are wallowing in your loneliness, mike & i have been having a BLAST. in Berkshire County, if you want to hang out outside of your house, you have a limited number of options. you can a) go to the movies b) eat at a restaurant c) go bowling d) go to the mall e) go to the grocery store or f) drive around (usually accompanied by smoking). now, i know you're thinking, but jess, can't you go to the bars? and you're right, i could go to a bar. BUT WAIT mike's not 21 yet. yeah. stopped you right in your tracks.

option b) we went to eat Chinese food at mike's favorite Chinese restaurant. mike "accidently" ordered enough food for sixteen footballers and it came on one of the trays with the fire! also, mike gave me his car for christmas so now when we drive back and forth to school, i'll be behind the wheel and he'll be riding shoddy.

option a) we went to a small movie theater with limited options and ended up in Syriana- big mistake. dont do it. it's hours and hours of unending boredom and a small child dies. trust me, i emerged with naught but a sore ass and a desire to strangle mike.

option d) we went on a roadtrip to the holyoke mall, a 45 minute drive away. this is when things start to get really Xtreme. let me just note that while mike did not want to use the mall map to find our stores of choice, it only took me 30 seconds in front of the damn thing to find everything we ever wanted to know.
first, we ate at pizzeria uno. inside this fine establishment is a bathroom treasure. they are the proud owners of not just an air hand-dryer, but the ultimate hand-dryer. it's a little beaut called the XTREME and there's even a tiny sticker requesting the user to "FEEL THE POWER". well, i've felt the power and it almost blew my rings right off- i suggest you try it.
we ventured into the local barnes & noble (it has an escalator!!!) and meandered around the books about nude women and art slash erotica. mike bought a calendar of XTREME Ironists from around the world and i got one about italy (booooooring). seriously, guys, these ironing freaks are craaaaazy. one guy somehow attached himself, an ironing board, shirt, and iron to the back of a Volkswagen and was ironing... mid traffic! i think it was someplace in england, those crazy brit bastards. others demonstrated their talents on cliff edges and other XTREME locales.
we drove back in complete and total silence, which was great, because i dont know about you guys, but mike's voice has that annoying grating quality and i just cant take too much of it.

thus were our travels in the berkshires and now both mike & jess are back in ithaca. when are you guys coming back??!!!! (seriously, i can't take too much more of mike)

Vacation

2005-12-30T13:34:00.000-05:00

Vacation?
Vacation is just some fancy Ivy league word for a state of perpetual hangover; a life put through a holiday centrifuge so as to extract all semblence of Responsibility. Vacation is when your no-good hippie boss informs you that while he has no prospects for work in the foreseeable future, on the up-shot, he did just download a Dead concert. During fits of Vacation, the urge to be Productive is an everyday struggle, like a beast trying to find its sustenance in the jungle. How much time spent downloading music is unhealthy? Does t-shirt design count as "a Job"? Vacation means Chinese food for breakfast, and that is the Greatest of Things. It means waking up around noon like a neglected car, sputtering and likely to sink back into a state of torpor several times before getting any traction on the day. Why stray from the towel and bathrobe combo? Don't change horses midstream says Pa. One really must have juice to start any day, OJ is high octane, but even Gatorade can serve as a starter fluid. "Mornings" are spent in search of juice. Thank God that Jade Garden has orange slices. The trusty cardigan will get you through any venture into the Real World, what with its many life-giving pockets that still hold your Powers -wallet, cellphone, keys- from yesterday, which was the same as today and inevitably similar to tomorrow. Thus is Vacation, and soon it will hit New Years like a booster pad. Who knows what Madnesses lay in wait.

BLAZE vs. DAMON ROUND 1

2005-12-24T12:16:00.000-05:00

Guess I better take apart my shrine now

2005-12-21T16:15:00.000-05:00

Last night I came across some news as one would come across a dropkick to the face off the top rope. Johnny Damon will be a New York Yankee next season. Now it was well known that he was fed up with the red sox management and wanted to change teams. It's also well known that he is getting older and is slowing down some, and was stuck in a slump at the end of last year. So good, I'm perfectly fine with the fact that the sox lost him, make room for someone younger, more consistent, and less expensive.

But damn hell ass balls, the freakin yankees?!

So I have been lost in misery most of the day, while trying to figure out if I now hate my favorite player of the last few years, or if I'm supposed to root for the goddam yankees next year. right now i'm leaning HEAVILY TOWARD THE FORMER. ungrateful son of a . . .

Also, i've stopped speaking to my roommate and I encourage the rest of you to do likewise.

2005-12-21T13:55:00.000-05:00

never have i met a child or someone my age named Debbie or Diane,
but countless times have i been talked at by a woman behind a desk with one of those names on a plaque
why?

How cold is it?

2005-12-15T14:04:00.000-05:00

I'll freaking TELL YOU how cold it is! Last night, on my way home from the library (BO-HO-HORING!), I stopped at College Town Pizza for a little slice of 'za (if ya know what I'm saying. YEAH!) They only had plain left, seeing as it was almost closing time, but I ordered up a slice anyway. To go.

They put in in a bag, a white paper bag, on a plate. I held it with both hands (to keep it level) and took off towards home.

[insert extreme cold here]

Upon arrival, I headed up to my room to fire up an episode of the west wing and enjoy my pizza. But, alas, my pizza had FROZEN on the walk home!

THAT's HOW FRICKIN' COLD IT IS!

PS If you're into the west wing, drop me a line, ladies!

When I think about You, I touch myself. (Seriously.)

2005-12-07T22:14:00.000-05:00

It's at almost every party: a group of kids in the middle of a room, dangerously intoxicated with only enough space between them to raise their arms above their heads and punch the air as they sing. It's a moment of beauty, what I came to college to experience.

So tonight I decided to rediscover the music of a golden era from a time when I was hardly a complete human being, when shoulder pads were big and hair was bigger. You all know what I'm talking about: the 80s. And what better place to begin my magical forray into this sweet world of synth and sweatbands than DC++.

I have recently developed a nearly obscene obsession with Men Without Hats's 1983 single "Safety Dance." I will not, nay, CANNOT, remove my precious white earbuds from my ears each time that fantatsically uplifting song comes on. If you haven't done it already, I recommend listening to it on loop for one day straight. You will never, ever, be happier.

(But as a word of caution: I once did this and my iPod, devil that it is, got STUCK on the Safety Dance. I know what you're thinking. "But Liana, THE SAFETY DANCE IS AWESOME!" Shhh.)

After listening to "Safety Dance" more times than anyone within a two mile radius would probably appreciate, I thought to go out on a limb and introduce a little variety. I searched the usual suspects to begin with: Peter Gabriel and Phil Collins. "Sledgehammer" gets better after every time. "Take Me Home" is so carefree and wonderful that I can't help but sing along and treasure that beautifully mild rhythmic syncopation.

The sixth hearing of "Solsbury Hill" prompted me to venture onward. I took a bold step and merely typed "80's" into the search section of DC++. I could not have gotten luckier. All of the standards were there at my fingertips. My Sharona, Video Killed the Radio Star, Eye of the Tiger! Duran Duran, Blondie, WHAM!

The subwoofer making the floor vibrate, the dull oncoming headache, the perfect mixture of strange video game-esque sounds and tambourine, the fucking catchiest lyrics.

It takes me back, guys. It takes me back.

Self Aggrandizing

2005-12-06T11:36:00.000-05:00

hi friends,
maybe you should check out this site,
it's called threadless.com
it's a running t-shirt design competition,
pretty keen huh?
well, if you're there, maybe you should check out
"The Modern Jungle"
i dunno, i mean i think it's pretty cool...

Brandeis = Awesome

2005-12-06T00:37:00.000-05:00

It's not possible to capture just how awesome Brandeis was with a single post, so I figured I'd add my two cents. First off, Brandeis and Boris' Kitchen did an amazing job of organizing the entire event. They even had a stage manager. If we were organizing a festival we would be lucky to have a stage! (Haha!) Also, the groups that were selected for the festival were awesome. Even though everybody was great, I was particularly blown away by Boston University and the University of Chicago. It feels good just knowing that sketch groups like that exist.
The fun at Brandeis did not stop with the shows. Nay, it continued. Carol was pretty much the best host ever (that's right, I said ever). We stayed up late and acted like silly fools and threw pillows at her windows and she didn't get mad once. You could learn a lesson or two from her, mom. I'm sorry I broke the window with that pillow, MOM. MAYBE IF YOU WOULDN'T NAG ME SO MUCH I WOULDN'T HAVE TO THROW THINGS!!!! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEE
The parties were pretty rad too.
So, in conclusion, if you're ever looking for a sketch comedy festival to apply to that will be everything you hoped it would be and more, look into Brandeis.

Waltham....A Heckuva Town!

2005-12-05T14:08:00.000-05:00

I'd like to extend an official whoopeedoodaday to all of the great groups we saw perform at Brandeis university this past weekend, as well as our rockin' hosts, Boris' Kitchen. I think I speak for us all when I say we had a great time performing, watching, laughing (oh ha ha!) and partywhooseewhatsitsing. Not that any of you will read this necessarily, but perhaps in the distant future when our blog is the most famous in all the blogosphere, some members of Boris' Kitchen will be trolling our archives, and their heart will be warmed by the mention of the fundiddlyumptious weekend in December 2005 when all was good in Waltham. Hello, Boris Kitchen of the future. Hello.

BEN

P.S. Thanks for your house, Carol!

When Liana Comes Around

2005-12-05T11:22:00.000-05:00

So I just spent a while in the sunshine and the snow being locked out of my house 'cause I decided it'd be sweet not to carry my keys around with me, and I realized how much I dig this group. So much so that I grabbed some keys from RPU, came inside, put on some Cash, and rocked out as I created a freaking blog so I could finally post on this thing.

Man, am I giddy.

A True Townie and a Bus Ride

2005-11-23T13:15:00.000-05:00

So us townies had finally driven ya'll outta town last night and we're walkin' to Ruloff's (bucknahalf drinks? damn straight i'm walking there) and who do i see but an old semi-acquaintance from high school, yessir it was veritable i-high reunion, only i don't really know this guy's name, i think it's jon, but i always just called him Ghengis Quad. He was the leader of the kids who stayed outside all day in the Quad instead of going to class and hit each other with sticks (did your schools have these guys?). Anywho, he was walkin away from some c-town porch with an office chair in his arms, kinda suspicious, but hey, maybe he's part of a late night moving crew. Well, he gets to the top of Cook street (really steep one running down from College), mounts the office chair and turns back to us.
"You think this is a good idea?" he says,
My companions were speechless, i reassured him.
ZOOOOOM!! CRASH!!
The thing's wheel came off pretty fast, he was probably lucky it crashed when it did, but then again, he probably has a different concept of 'luck' than i. I kept waiting for his friends to come from around the corner and join in watching his descent, but they never did, and that is why he is a true townie, a man who spends his free time stealing office chairs and riding them down steep, icy roads in the middle of the night, completely alone. Here's to you Ghengis Quad.

Part 2 of a very townie thanksgiving:
I see all those kids waiting for buses in front of the Schwartz Center or up on North and i've always wondered what those bus rides away from campus are like. Do any of you guys take those to get home? Are they like those crazy high school crew-team bus rides back home from a regatta? Where kids are all rowdy trying to decide what movie to watch and folks givin' and gettin' tugjobs in the back seat? People just walkin' up and down the aisles, passin' around a two liter of Code Red? Man, i loved those bus rides...

LOL!

2005-11-22T21:17:00.000-05:00

WEATHER MACHINE LOL!!!

(I'm dying.)

Riddle Me This Caped Crusaders

2005-11-21T14:00:00.000-05:00

Have any of ya'll seen the Boondocks cartoon? Spags and Dug and I have made a habit of watching it every Sunday at 11, shit's funny, and thats coming from a dude who didnt particularly care for the newsprint version. Damn well animated too
There, i have done my patriotic duty, recomending a rising star of a cartoon and posting my thoughts
Where are yous guys?
Are we running silent? Are we some kind of crazy sketch comedy U-boat?? One silently running on the dark side of the moon (thereby prohibiting radio contact)???
Can i please see some more posts? i miss hearing your typed voices...

My God, it's full of ... MEAT

2005-11-14T19:31:00.000-05:00

So, i get home the other day to find a package. You know that feeling, like when a smack addict's eyes fall on his trusty needle, only this sweet oblivion wasn't meant for me, but Sean "Spags" Spagnoli. It turned out to be from his aunt and musta weighed 30+ lbs. I lug the box inside and Spags opens it up, to find it completely full of frozen meat. There were hamburgers, steaks, chicken breasts, prime cuts of you-name-it. Now Spags, being Spags, immediately starts cursing for want of more freezer space and pretty soon after he burns himself on the dry ice that was shipped along in the box. What followed can only be described as 'Spagnoli over-drive cussing' and if you haven't experienced it you will never come close to understanding.
As things are now, we almost constantly have some slab of flesh sitting on the kitchen counter de-frosting. Spags has really got a blood thirst or something, and keeps telling us that we've entered 'the Age of Meat'. I don't know where this protein rich train is headin', but i'm locked in for the ride now, and have begun drawing up plans for a dramatic shift of funding towards barbecue sauce. Next stop: Gout-ville!

Game, Set, and Match . . . stick!

2005-11-09T21:01:00.000-05:00

So I was flippin through some upper-level channels on the TV cause i have digital cable - just thought I'd throw that out there right away - and one of the HBO's is playing Matchstick Men. And it's just starting. This of course is the movie born of the book by our esteemed founder, Mr. Eric Garcia (where was he at our last show?). So anyway, it turns out this movie is frickin awesome, Nicholas Cage and some other dudes, and this chick are in it. That's not what makes it awesome, i'm just letting you know who's in it, you see. It just warms my heart to know that a guy I've never met, but that I'm now loosely connected to through an obscure student group, can go and write a solid story like that. Makes you think.
So I know that not many of the current skits have seen it, so I implore you, go rent Matchstick Men. Or get you some digital cable. Or the ladies can just come over to my place and watch whatever they want. oooooo yeah.

love, Mike

but then again, lots of times they change the book a lot to make the movie. the book might suck somethin awful. So, I'm not even sure that it does make you think. Someone who's read the book, tell me if I should be thinking!

Class Rodentia

2005-11-08T09:32:00.000-05:00

Ok, so did you guys do Course Enroll while drunk?

No?

Well I did, and it was great!

Now I've got some great classes lined up for next semester. There's some Desire (I desired that class!), there's some Computing Cultures (I desired computing that class!), there's some basic Communications class I'm signed up for (I desired something!), there's some Creative Writing (write a poem about it!), and don't even think about forgetting the coup d'tat (incorrect context!), Greeks, Romans, and Victorians, a Classics class (double classy!).

Oh, and also I stepped on a chipmunk yesterday when I was walking home from school. I had to though, because it wasn't moving away from my foot.

hey guys wait for me!!!

2005-11-07T23:47:00.000-05:00

i made it to the blog... in my heels

Leaf Peeping

2005-11-07T10:33:00.000-05:00

If leaves were ninja stars...autumn would be terrifying. The leaves would still turn red, but from blood, not a lack of chlorophyll.

Sunday...you fiend!

2005-11-06T14:07:00.000-05:00

Recipe for perfect way to start your day:

Step 1: Wake up with severe pain in lower back, hips, and groin from sitting on floor for 3 hours the previous night. You might ask, "Why does your body hurt so much from sitting on the ground, you stupid old man?" Well, I guess my answer to that would be, "Be quiet or I'll destroy everything you love." Got anything else to say? Didn't think so.

Step 2: Try to start car, but realize car is broken. This step will take a little preparation (mainly finding a car that is broken). But I think you'll find if you put in the work, this one's really rewarding. There's nothing like getting behind the wheel of your vehicle excited about the freedom and utility it offers...only to find out your engine sounds like an autistic kitten.

Step 3: Cry.

That's all you need to have a great day. Three easy steps. So get out there and enjoy life!

I stole this from my own livejournal. Don't tell anyone.

2005-11-05T12:48:00.000-05:00

I woke u late for y first class at 12:20 I figured this was ok ecause I could get soe uch needed work finished I' not doing work anyore ecuase I realied that y keyoard is roken The "" key the "" key the "" key the "" key and the "" key don't work Neither do the eriod or coa unctuation arks The noral enter key doesn't work so I have to use that fucked u vertical one on the side of the keyoard net to all the nuers

This is unfortunate

I want to kill yself

More news from the front

2005-11-05T10:39:00.000-05:00

Well, last night, Tucker Barrett -the filthiest and classiest man i know, hosted one of his weekly super-snazzy dinners, in which he cooks hell of fine eats for his pals, and then everyone gets crazy on firewater. A number of hep cats were in attendence, among them one Peter "sneaky Pete" Sherman of the Whistling Shrimp. Now, as i was enjoying my rum-and-coke and pineapple-upside-down cake, Pete was workin' on his trademark forty like it was his goddamn job. It didn't take long for him to bring up the last Shrimp after party i had made it to, one on Seneca street at the residence of one Mark Blackman. What went down there? Well, as any who saw can tell you, and as even Pete himself will attest to, a relatively sober your's truly took the positively sauced Pete and Ben (Mauk) outside and whooped 'em but good.
So Pete starts to get pretty nuts, and soon enough begins yammering about how 'soft' the Skits are, how the Shrimp routinely out-party us and they will always be there to make us look 'weak'. Now, i dont know how much you the reader knows about gang warfare, but this trash talk of my crew -my very family, was tantamount to a slap in the face. I kindly reminded him of his track record, but he would have nothing of it, apparently that sucka-fool was just crusin' for a brusin'. One thing leads to another and i once again find myself outside in the lawn, circling Pete Sherman while crouched in the monkey stance. As a point of knowledge i'd like to pass on before i escape this mortal coil, Pete Sherman ain't got shit on the monkey stance -try it.
The first round saw me land a few good head shots and bring him to the ground maybe three times for his once on me. The judges (Dug K) agreed the round was mine, but Pete wasn't content and came out of the gate full steam for round 2. Thinking quick, i ducked down just as he was bearing down on me, then back up using his momentum to flip him over my back. Again he charges and again i bring his legs up over my shoulder and try as best i could to plant him in the garden alongside a lovely little shrub. I missed and ended up making him all too friednly with the shrub, and there, with him pinned in the greenery i made my power move: i was close enough to the window to start talkin to the girls inside watchin the fight, i dunno, but i think one of them was his girlfriend. That's right Pete, while i had you eatin turf i was advancing my game.
I was awarded the match on TKO and went back inside to continue by imbibitions. Now, the point of this story is a cautionary one, look out all you Skits, the Shrimp have gotten their hackles up. You go wanderin' into their turf you can expect some trouble, so watch your back. What does next week's Shrimp shrow after party hold in store? Who can say, but i wouldn't be surprised to find those Shrimp in numbers, soldiers with their colors on and their pride needin' some reinforcement. Let's see to it they have a memorable evening.

AWESOME VIDEO GAME

2005-11-04T17:00:00.000-05:00

As you all may or may not have noticed, the Skits-o-phrenics have recently taken a slight turn towards the political (a trend which excites me....oh yes....excites me). In that vain, here is an AWESOME VIDEO GAME. I just finished fighting a gigantic mutant Tom Ridge (Former Director of Homeland Security) who weilds a huge roll of duct tape and a bloody machete.

http://www.emogame.com/bushgame.html

Just go with it. It has bipartisan appeal.

Fat He-man forever!

You Tell Me

2005-11-04T11:04:00.000-05:00

So brave Sir Williams and i accompanied Spagnoli the Elder to a vet party two nights past. I can't tell you much, but i can say i now have a picture on my camera-phone (it's from the future, when we gave our electronics genitals and let them have sex with eachother) which clearly (poorly) depicts SEAN THOMAS SPAGNOLI drinkig a shot of 99 BANANAS from AN ICE LOUGE. Now, it's easy to say that from that point on, i had a pretty awesome time, but was it a victory? a true victory in the skitsophrenic sense of the word? Well kids, you tell me.
The party had the following:
+ A never-ending flow of booze
+ Live bluegrass band
? Allen and i's beer-pong record 1-1
+ A nice conversation with two girls (who weren't Kim, Jess, Liana or Rachel!!)
? An offer for dude sex
-and finally, during my little chat with the ladies, which had been going well, they called me out on some manner of nonsense i had been spouting and some sort of primal fight or flight response kicks in, i think triggered by having two older females chewing me out. Instead of handling my slip-up like a mature adult i think i said something like 'yeah, you're right, hold on just a sec' and then turned tail and bolted for the door. Not even a goodbye. Why? because i was drunk and challenged.
In hindsight i cannot explain my hastey retreat, but i think the rest of the evening speaks for itself: a week wherein the vet students have 16+ hours of test over four days inevitably leads to a "crazy go nuts" party.
peace in the north east
bil out

My name sucks.

2005-11-04T02:03:00.000-05:00

{sung}

I already had a Blogger name
(awimo way awimo way)
but it's so boring it puts me to shame
(awimo way awimo way)
I wish I had a prefix or suffix
(awimo way awimo way)
or a title or nickname or giggledypuffix

{first post since the first girl post...whammy!]

2005-11-03T22:15:00.000-05:00

FIRST GIRL! BOO-YA

blog? more like bloog!

2005-11-03T20:02:00.000-05:00

ive never used a blog before. but i see them on the news all the time. i think im a part of history now.

2005-11-03T19:57:00.000-05:00

Damn, I'm really far behind. Post number four, I dont even get a medal.

Johnny-Come-Lately

2005-11-03T19:52:00.000-05:00

hey guys,
look who's head wasn't in the game...
surprise...

The Second is Mine!

2005-11-03T19:35:00.000-05:00

The honor of the second post is mine! Huzzah!

First Post!

2005-11-03T18:58:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody!

It's the first post! It's awesome! It's great! It's the first one!

In conclusion, yay!

Amen.